That's How It Happened

My Vietnamese visa finally came through from the embassy. Without it I was going to be spending 2 weeks in techno friendly Singapore, blogging my sneaker pick ups. With it, I'll be spending 2 weeks in techno poor Vietnam. This leaves the post of guest blogger open from June 6th for a fortnight. Previous highly esteemed guest bloggers Jonky Cat, Nixta, DJ Waxy Fresh, and DJ Beez, have all gone on to acheive great things. Usually my call for a guest blogger is met with stunned apathy, so I'd like to stress that you (a.) Don't have to be a DJ, (b.) Don't have to be a blogger (yet), (c.) Don't necessarily have to actually know me in person, so long as you are at least a sporadic commenter, and (d.) Repeat guest blogging is also entirely welcome if your name features above. Brave souls should venture their names to rufus at howithappened dot com. In the entirely unexpected event of there being more than one applicant, I reserve the right to appoint twin guest bloggers.

Brilliant New Yorker article about Golden Gate Bridge suicides. Full of good tidbits.

Great list of mini science experiments / body hacks.

I saw fantastic bumblebee nests at Chelsea Flower Show, on sale with queens for £50. It was absolutely captivating to watch the giant queens wandering over their combs. Utterly recommended.

My Star Wars correspondant, Yoel, points out two less than contemporaneous lists of additions to the "Ultimate SW DVD set". I'm highly skeptical that Greedo will ever shoot second again.

Finally via /. a funny Gamer's Manifesto for next gen games: no crates, more maps, more saving, less post apocalyptic settings.

I had an awesome long weekend, entirely free from com-pu-tahs. Mostly that was thanks to attending a wonderful wedding, of Alice (nee Rink) and Will Weinberg. As a 28 year old young (ish) professional (sort of) I seem to go to quite a few weddings. I sometimes get wedding burnout, but Alice and Will's union (and great party) really restored my faith in marriage (and weddings). I'd like to say congratulations to them both, and thank you for giving me the opportunity to beat Jack Straw in an egg and spoon race.

Can't afford your own supercar? Then post photos of other people's supercars in the wild to exoticspotter.com.

Google Will Eat Iteslf are spending the money from their Google Ads buying up Google stock. Until they own it all, apparently.

Groovetube is a mask for your TV, that turns it into a pixelated "disco light show". It looks better than it sounds.

I have strong deja vu about this, but I think it's not a repost: origami x-wing.

Made You Think have little flags with George Bush's head on them to print out and then place in pile of dog turd. It's like two public services in one.

The wikification of everything approaches: Wiki Japanese Textbook, with sections not just about language, but about video games and cooking too.

The internet cannot solve all your ills:
1500 posts about a year-long mysterious beep.(via MeFi)

Over at BB there's a recent post about detrusor overactivity. For once this is something I actually know about, because I spend all my time diagnosing and treating it. Cory blogs about it, as if it were some kind of incredible breaking news, just as he might blog a new Disney auction, or a zany development in copyright law. There's nothing desperately wrong with the article, or with his post, but it sure isn't any kind of news. It made me realise that one of the problems with bloggers is that everyone tries to write expertly on things they know nothing about. Everyone aspires to journalistic quality, but in fact depend on second hand research and an abundance of hasty opinion. Maybe that shouldn't be a surprise. I thought I'd take this opportunity to correct some recent errors in my blogging judgement:

Corrections
The Space Pen is actually the best pen ever. I've started to dream about its glossy goodness. It has become my biro of choice for the Guardian crossword.

Lumines is not in point of fact the best game ever. Becoming "Lumines" is very very sweet, but overall the game lacks depth. It took me about 20 hours of gameplay to crack it, and much of that was too monotonous.

Nokia Sensor is not a killer app. But only because no-one has it running on their phones. I tried really hard to find fellow users, but I've drawn a blank everywhere from Fabric to the Apple Store.

The Blackfriars pigeons do sometimes ride the trains, but mostly the influx of last minute commuters shoos them off before they get caught inside the carriage.

I ♥ Nike hTM Court Force Highs

Who makes more per word as a journo? Dentonites or MSM?

Bumperball is a chunk of FLASH gaming greatness.

DJ Shadow's One night in Bangkok, one hour live mix, is allegedly a legal download. What are you waiting for?

iGuy is like Morph mixed with an iPod.

Mario Soup is a website for extreme nerds who might wish to wallpaper their offices with monochrome "maps" of the binary code unpacked from old Nintendo cartridges.

Anakin the Neocon. I saw EpIII with Yoel, who takes his EpIII review to places no other review reaches, over at Asia Times. Awesome work.

Some Recent or Soon To Be Released Albums Reviewed, Briefly.

Beck - Guero 7/10
My cassingle of "Loser" is a treasured reminder of early miserable teenage years. Despite this I haven't really liked Beck since his "Odelay" album. This album is better than recent offerings, but only the "Girl" single recaptures his old greatness.

Faithless - Forever Faithless 8/10
I haven't yet managed to listen past "Insomnia" and "God is a DJ", because they're so awesome. I suspect the rest of the album is mediocre, but I'm loving what I heard so far. Truly anthemic.

Vitalic - OK Cowboy 4/10
This has had endless great reviews, but I swear it's not even worth the bandwidth it took to download it. Absolutely derivative samey techno tripe.

Gorillaz - Demon Days 8/10
Dangermouse Vs Albarn is really good. Nothing quite as infectious as the debut single, but deeply rewarding none-the-less. I have a sneaky feeling that by christmas this might have grown into my album of the year.

Common - Be 6/10
This is really flat, plain, almost beige, hip hop. It needs some extra super-producing. The beats really don't grab the attention. I guess I need to give it time, and concentrate on the lyrics. Right now it's being overshadowed on my playlist by all the other good records.

White Stripes - Get Behind Me Satan 9/10
I'm not a huge Stripes fan, and some of this sounds suspiciously like Seven Nation Army remixed. But it's brilliantly crafted stuff. I'm loving every strange organ noodle, breathy curse, and punchy catchy snare. Album of the month!

I'm sick of point and click games, but I've made an exception for Survivoo, because it's short, easy, and Japanese. A worthy 5 minute diversion.

Hayden Christensen is 6'1", David Prowse was 6'7" when he played Darth. Why does he get taller after the lava accident? The EpIII Visual Dictionary doesn't know. Tell us George, is it because wizards did it?

The Texas Department of Criminal Justice Deathrow Pages contain more of life than the rest of the web put together. The last statements and details of the crimes are just incredible reading. Hours and hours of distraction.

Blogebrity: The List, might be the definitive blogroll. Respect to "Grambo, Uncle" for making the As.

I absolutely love the Roomba. It functions as a hoover and as a friend. I'll be rushing to buy him a girlfriend, in the form of floor mopping Scooba when they get released at Christmas.

Only because everyday should be a sneaker day: Darth Vader Foamposite Customs, Stormtrooper Camo Terminator Customs, and most desirable shop on earth Nike 255, where rumor has it an invite earns you a "one on one customization experience, with access to exclusive styles, colors, and materials available nowhere else." Jealous moi?

"We create not monsters. Oh wait: yes we do."
Ultimate Poker have been advertising on the side of London cabs with awesome chimeric animals: squirrillas, spaboons, etc. Since I saw them I've been lusting after some Rogue Taxidermy for my bedroom wall. Sadly my local taxidermist, Get Stuffed has some kind of ethical code that prevents him from creating my dream animal (the Makocaque). Beast Blender lets me live my dreams on the web though. Here's the Tri-tailed Lemutiel I made.

The Times throw away all vestiges of journalistic integrity, employing "Belle de Jour"/Lisa Hilton for an article about make up today. MSM sucks.

Ahmir from The Roots quoted in Blag Magazine:

"I'm tired of Adrock name-dropping Scrabble and Boggle. Like he gets triple seven letter words with x, y, and z all the time."

Adrock from the Beastie Boys quoted elsewhere in Blag Magazine:

"The highest scoring word I've ever gotten in Scrabble? The word is GRENADES. The score I think was 128 or 136 points. I did it on a triple. Triple triple with a bingo. Ahmir from The Roots what do think about that?"

Maybe us bloggers shouldn't even aspire to compete with awesome MSM journalism like that. My Scrabble hiatus is so back off.

// posted by Rufus @ 9:05 pm 0 Comments

"Hello, everyone. We introduce you our band " HIBI-R ". We like defferent kinds of music each other. So we play various type of music as a copying band. The Big sound you may hear from our laboratory is what we play. If you feel that our playing is noisy, we apologize for it. ( But we can't stop it. )"

The students of the engineering faculty in Nagano suffer from a lack of good local okonomiyaki. They make up for it by playing Big music. I think the Bloggies suck, and we should be voting for more old school Homepaggies.

Otto and Marvin. Separated at birth? OK, perhaps they're not that similar. But riddle me this...why is Otto carrying a pipe bomb?

5 Great things about Episode III
1. Amy Allen gets her biggest role yet, as sexy Twi-Lek Jedi Master Ayla Secura.
2. George Lucas Jnr has a tiny part, and shares his good looks.
3. Jar Jar does not speak.
4. Emperor Palpatine's head looks like a big wrinkly scrotum when he lowers his hood.
5. Mace Windu is still a Bad Mother Fucker.

The Darth Vader Orange Commercial is truly some funny sh*t.

Hot Mouth Organ Action!
Former guest-blogger supreme Charlie Beez points out that Piney Gir is playing a free show at the Whitechapel, tonight at 7pm. Unmissable for Bontempi fans everywhere. You'll spot DJ Beez down the front "staring longingly" (his own words) at the lovely Miss Gir.

Always on the look out for a hot meme. Daisy sent me this picture of her hanging out with Paris. No sooner had I enjoyed it, than I found this photostream of people hanging out with Lindsay Lohan.
PS If you're in Zurich, go see Daisy's new show, until the 28th of May.

Word of the day is: lingweenie, someone who can't invent neologisms.

A sneaker shop that treats wovens with respect.

DIY high altitude ballooning.

Great Halo 2 corpse humping vids.

Sometime in the next 24 hours this site will see its 100,000 visitor. I just thought I ought to say thank you to everyone who keeps coming back to read this piffle and nonsense.

Never lose at pub quiz again: Google (UK) SMS.

Methanol Fuel Cell Monkey Bike.

hairfinder.com for all your Harajuku hair stylin needs.

Su Doku saturation approaches with Su Doku Mobile from the Times.

For zoophiliac Star Wars fans: Slave Leia Pet Costume.

Huffington's Toast a deserved lampoon.

First details about the Dasani x Wes Anderson credibility-ruining nightmare that is his upcoming US ad campaign. (Google cache link to avoid registration).

I attended/crashed a party on Saturday night of some mega-rich playboy Gumball 3000 types. There were four vintage Porsches, and a shiny Ferrari parked outside. The party had all the key ingredients: unlimited champagne, entire hog roast, and in a Zoolander parody, a tibetan monk playing a zither. The list of five habits of millionaires, does include generosity, but seems to have omitted snorting lines and chasing under-clad, possibly under-aged totty. I enjoyed the party, but it made me feel inordinately poor. The NYT Guide to Class merely compounded the situation, revealing that I rate above the 99% centile for education and occupation, but am off the low end of the scale for wealth, with a negative capitalisation. I've thought really hard about what might be going wrong, and realised that it's not my fault. My utter poverty is due to 1. Not having won the lottery, and 2. Choice auctions like this.

Words of the day are: jackalope, wikiphilia, and etouffee.

Hippocamp Ruins Petsounds is this year's Grey Album.

And my new most anticipated sneaker is (fanfare): The Mita Cement Delta Force. (Though I do have a pair of hTM Court Forces winging their way over from Tokyo as we speak.)

My whole life I've dreamed of driving a talking car and hanging out with Yasmine Bleeth. Last night by chance I saw David Hasslehoff in Fitzrovia. He was looking tall, tanned, and wholesome. Not only is he pretty familiar with talking cars and Yasmine Bleeth, but he also helped end the cold war. I figure if I'm going to grow up to achieve as much as he has, and look as handsome as he does, I should probably spend less time in front of a computer. So I've decided not to post any (more) links today, and I might not tomorrow either.

I've had exactly zero enthusiasm for Episode III until now. I don't want my childhood dreams shattered by another blundering behemoth blockbuster, or by more Lucas tweaks to the original trilogy. But I saw this phone holster from Orange, and my heart melted. It's like I'm six again and I'm trying to cram Han and Chewie into the Falcon cockpit for another Kessel Run across my bedroom in less than 12 parsecs.

Oil Cooled Computer. I don't read much german, but as far as I can see this PC is overclocked, then cooled by immersing it entirely in vegetable oil.

Bitty Browser is a tiny browser within a browser. I'm sure you could do this with frames, before CSS became all fashionable.

How to brew beer in a coffee pot.

I feel like link boycotting the Huffington Post on principle, but I can't ignore Larry David's first post there.

Kate Stelnick a "115lb co-ed freshman" has somehow made colossal overeating sexy.

Omnipelagos is like the Kevin Bacon Game for concepts. It links ideas through their Wikipedia entries. If that's too intellectual, you can also use it to play the original Kevin Bacon Game too.

"Wal-Mart is the most-frequently sued corporate entity in the United States."

See this site (or any other) destroyed by coffee, through the wonder of NetDisaster.

Newsflash: UK's oldest sneaker discovered, (not in deadstock condition). (Thanks Turlough.)

The reliably incredible J-Walk created this spoof Google Content Blocker. I downloaded the Webaccelerator on the first day, and behind my work firewall it has managed to save me 0.0 seconds. Actually scrap that, because it took time to download and install, and I had to read the disclaimer, including the patronising bit that said

"This is not the usual yada yada, nor is it the same yada yada you may have read when installing Google Toolbar"

So, so far the WebAccelerator has cost me time, reduced my privacy, and presumably enriched Google in some mysterious manner (whether financial or merely informational I'm unclear). What bothers me most is that I could now conceivably spend an entire day of web noodling without ever downloading a page from anywhere but Google's servers. My email, my shopping (via Froogle), my blogging (via Blogger), my searching (obvs), and now all my surfing could be hosted by Larry and Sergey. Under the cover of all the interesting talk about GooOS, is it possible that Google secretly stole the whole internet? Maybe, in the not too distant future the whole web will be on Google's servers, and no-one will bother hosting it anywhere else. It will be the Walmartization of the internet. My prediction for the future of Google, is a swift move into webhosting and DNS. After all they're already caching everyone's sites, why shouldn't they offer to host them for free? Since every putative phenomenon needs a catchy name, I'll call this GoogleDaddy.

There are only 15 people in the whole US who kept the last name Hitler.

Nokia Sensor is a true killer app. You couldn't have known you needed it until you saw what it could do. It's like Friendster for your phone, only so much cooler. If you haven't got a Nokia SymbOS phone, you should get one so you can run it.

Creepy Yoda paper model, who's ears follow you around the room, or something.

I'm trying to think of ways in which Blogmapper is a killer app, but but frankly I make 98% of my posts from the same place, so I can't be bothered to map them.

This logic puzzle is the best 20 minutes of nerd-o-brain fun I've ever had.

OEDILF The omnificent english dictionary in limericks.

The definitve guide to NYC Subway Tracks.

The Fast and the Furious (1954) No Vin Diesel!

Ignoring the complete apathy regarding my last post, here's the google guide to what friends don't let friends do:

Vote Democrat (or Republican or Nader or Schwarznegger); Use IE; Use Camera Phones; Email Christening Pics; Die In Childbirth; Paint Ceilings; Go To Bad Piercing Studios; Go To Hell; Use Friendster; Eat Tofu; Censor Friends™; Use Powerpoint; Drink Bad Wine; Starve Themselves; Incarnate In The Babylonian Matrix; Date Jason; Get Married; Knit Chenille; Get Whacked By Tornadoes ; Destroy The World; Anthropomorphize Their Pets; Eat Farmed Salmon or Meat; Drink Starbucks; Make Crappy Movies; Wear Ponchos; Wear Pork; Heavy Breathe On Conference Calls; Battle Monkeys; Wear Balloon Hats; Go To Duke; Type QWERTY; Let Their RSS Aggregators Pull Feeds Once An Hour; Make Bad Analogies; Turn Straight; Become Human Shields

To which I can only add: Friends don't let friends overuse tired cliches until they become utterly meaningless.

Think you've lived life to the full? Google knows better:
You haven't lived until you've driven a carload of freshman girls.
You haven't lived until you've jived.
You haven't lived until you've been spanked with an artificial limb.
You haven't lived until you've tasted freshly grated parmesan.
You haven't lived until you've been shat upon.
You haven't lived until you've duck-dived a frozen double-overhead meat grinder.
You haven't lived until you've tasted a freshly cooked gumblejack.
You haven't lived until you've had a pre-pubescent cheerleading squad named after you.
You haven't lived until you've been sunburnt on Bondi Beach.
You haven't lived until you 've smelled REAL beeswax.
You haven't lived until you've fly fished the Milwaukee river.
You haven't lived until you've broiled a baby.
You haven't lived until you've seen a 260lb guy in a lime green thong.
You haven't lived until you've heard the "Hotsy Totsy Polka".
You haven't lived until you've seen Rob and Justin show up at your place of employment dressed as Axl and Slash.
You haven't lived until you've had a hotdog fried on a burning disk brake rotor.
You haven't lived until you've seen a bonfire started with kerosene and 36% NITROX.
You haven't lived until you've written 100 pieces of pirate dialogue.
That should be enough inspiration for a boring Monday afternoon in May. (qv unstoppable techniques, the new black, gateway drugs.)

"Lion Mutilates 42 Midgets in Cambodian Ring-Fight"

Paxman Vs Galloway The Transcript.

Women wearing spacesuits. Best fetish ever?

Powell Classic for the discerning retro skater.

Buy your own U-194 (Ideal for weddings!).

Du bi quan wang da po xue di zi is No.1 on my list of must see movies...

...though this crazy Finnish pop video is pretty essential viewing.

History of the Batmobile.

"I also collect American detergents", Nigo reveals the secrets of his billionaire lifestyle.

Make a plane out of popsicles with houseflies for engines.

Top 50 Geek T-shirts somehow omits There's no place like 127.0.0.1 so beloved of some.

Just when I felt I was on top of my GTD/Moleskine organisational system along comes GTD with Gmail and the excellent iCal syncing Backpack to get me all muddled again.

Today's words of the day are koczwarism and lethologica.

While the wait for innovative gameplay in the form of Katamari 2 continues, try Ray Ray Parade for some nouveau arcade clicking action

I have exactly nil programming skillz, hence the never changing design of this blog, but I am tempted by this guide to writing widgets, which can then be showcased at I heart widgets.com

eatpes.com shouldn't be confused with pes.org or peselectro.com (NSFW) especially not the latter.

So I lied:

How to say "Death to Tony Blair" in Farsi. (via the mysterious lochbuie)

This is my only political post this election. Friday's Evening Standard magazine ran a feature on Cherie Blair's constant fashion faux pas. The top right photo in the spread appeared to show that she was wearing a pair of (horror!) Nike Air Wovens. I checked very carefully, and actually they're not Nikes at all, but a pair of rip-off fake Skechers. I'm shocked and appalled: firstly that she should wear shoes that seem to infringe valuable Nike copyrights, and secondly that she should bring the good name of Wovens into disrepute. I'm voting Lib Dem.

I think I've discovered the world's worst food. Previously I considered doogh, to be the worst food ever. That's salty milk, laced with pennyroyal, which is an abortifacient. It gets served to school children in Iran, presumably to stop them bearing illegimate children.
Now though I've had two opportunities to try salted fermented squid guts. It's on the menu at Soho Japan, and it is truly nauseating. They serve it as little pate-like slices of squid guts, delicately chopped over squid sashimi. The sashimi is delicious, but the guts are awful. Apparently it literally is squid entrails, left out for three weeks to putrefy, then salted.
I can't describe the horribleness of the dish. It's utterly vile. The trouble is, having survived it twice, I feel compelled to go back for more.

Spread The Word are holding a very short story contest. Entries have to be under 50 words. It's like Dave Eggers' short short stories, only 1/8th as long. I've based my entry on real life events, so I've changed the names and a few key details:

Ex Libris
I pull a favourite book off my shelf. The note inside reads:
"To Eloise, on our anniversary, Love Pookles xxx"
I had given the book to an ex-girlfriend years earlier. "Pookles" had borrowed it back, and never returned it. We're still friends, but the book will remain overdue.

If you recognise yourself from this story, you can claim the book back from me, though it really is my favourite.