That's How It Happened

More cat abuse, hooray!
Update 1/12/03: I have it on good authority from Dr Douglas Dumbrill, respected breeder of Somali Cats, that this is the real accepted way to resucitate a drowned cat, not some evil animal torture. Plus he has some kittens to sell in the New Year.

Wow Detroit Bar sure sneaked in under the radar. The whole place rocks. Its a basement bar, but instead of being on a regular rectangle based plan its a jumble of higgledy piggledy tunnels and semi private booths. N o live DJ tonight, but great drinks as you expect from Dick Bradsell. Reminds me of the Jabba's palace scenes from ROTJ. The assembled crowd included Phil Penn who was spreading a rumour that Nixta might be becoming even more transatlantic (than when he eats french toast).
The other party event was a little reception at Cartwright Towers followed by nibbles at Song Que. My hot tips for Kingsland Vietnamese din ing are: 1. Sugar cane wrapped in prawn paste. 2. Soft shell crabs. 3. Fresh rolls. 4. Vietnamese pancakes. 5. Tripe pho. And I also would like to point you toward Hue Beer, rather than the traditional Tiger.
I utterly failed to get my shit together to go celebrate with Gorgeous G, for this I apologise.

Finally finished story mode of THUG. I say finally, but in fact I ripped through Normal Difficulty mode in under 8 hours finishing at 4 am this morning. I shall be going round again for Sick Difficulty mode. I was kinda disappointed in was so easy, but it still rules.
After work I checked out the aftershow party for Vanessa Able's new exhibition. Not seen the actual work yet but will post as and when with da linkage.
Tonight is another round of birthday parties (sigh). Chez moi my flatmate is celebrating the big 2-7, then off to the Elbow Room for Gorgeous George's 25th, and finally Cogent Varden for Miss Ballantyne who is 21 again this year.
Thanksgiving seems to have brought a halt to interesting weblinks. Maybe more internet gold tomorrow..

Seems like there's nothing good on the internet today. I was going to post regarding the world's biggest bullock, and the 5 legged dog, but I can't be bothered, so you'll have to Google it.
I am a little sleepy on account of having stayed up all night playing Tony Hawk Underground. The game is seriously compelling, I finished 19 of 27 story mode episodes in about 5 straight hours of play. I have a mild case of playstation thumb this morning, and I intend to make it at lot worse tonight.
I can report triumph over Apple. I went to buy a new hard drive yesterday. The mac nerds tutted, insisting I needed an external drive, or that I should bring my computer in to have it done professionally. I shrugged off their carping and decided to go it alone. Armed with a couple of handy downloaded online guides I cracked open my iMac and set about installing my new 80 gig wonder. Ordinarily I would have rushed at it and fucked it all up. However Jonky recently destroyed his PS2 installing the world's fiddliest chip. With this in mind, I prepared the terrain, lined up all my mini tools and went to work. 10 minutes later my iMac was in pieces. And 10 minutes after that it was up and running, sporting 80 gigabytes of new storage, 640 megabytes of RAM, and running Mac OS X Panther like a dream. I shall spend the next month trying to rebuild my MP3 collection, all donations welcome.

I love that photo, in fact I love Chevy Chase, in fact I even love National Lampoon's European Vacation. There I said it.
Grouphug is ruling more than ever. The confessions are now searchable by keyword. I think this teaches us a lot about microbiology, homophobia, and amateur rock bands.

"I was in a band in school (we were called "Pointless Waste of Time"), and we all hated the drummer, because he was a gay dork. Anyway, one day he went to the bathroom, and I stuck one of his drumsticks up my butt as a joke. The crazy thing is, after he went back to playing drums, he put in a piece of gum. A few days later, he got sick as a dog from E.Coli and was hospitalized, tragically. Well, I feel a bit of remorse to this day; after all, if he was so gay, why did I stick his drumstick up my bottom? I never saw him do that, so it makes you kinda think."

It doesn't rain but it pours. Both literally and metaphorically. After web DNS disasters yesterday my hard disk took a dive overnight. Thousands of MP3s, hours of home movies, my CV, everything lost in an instant. I pray to the mac gods that some of it is rescueable. And its literally pouring, the streets of Islington are flooded. My old street Northampton Park was subject to a burst watermain yesterday causing millions of pounds worth of damage. I proclaim le Parkour to be passe, the new urban extreme sport is skim boarding! Harry's router has recovered from the rains so here is the promised link to The Enemies.
Respect to Trent Ford who finally seems to be the sex symbol he always wanted to be.
Kinda feeling information overloaded today, it might be the L-tryptophan in my chicken and sweetcorn pizza.
This blog has lived a whole month now. Its seen its first 500 unique visitors. Its one of only 50,000 blogs to be updated daily (of more than 6,000,000 in existence), and I want to thank all the visitors for making it worthwhile. Right enough internet foolery....

Having some difficulties with DNS, but brave souls might like to road test Earth Calling Rufus and explore how the masking works with your browser. I have noticed that links that open in the same browser window seem to continue the masking. Please report back.

Jacque Perretti's 48 People in Hollywood Who Should Be Shot is supposed to be on Channel 4 on Friday. Its a documentary based on Vincent Gallo's legendary insane Grand Royal Interview. I have had no luck getting any copies of Grand Royal on Ebay, having lost my original run of issues 2-6, and my Access All Areas pass from the 1995 UK tour. Beastie Mania have lovingly documented everything about the 'Boys, including an index for all 6 Grand Royal issues. This site may be the ugliest ever site, but it claims that Mike D invented the term mullet referring to the famous hairstyle.
I already promised not to dwell on celebrity trivia, but crap-a-jack what are the chances of a celebrity getting hit by lightning?

I found this fake but hilarious cybersex transcript on a computer at work. I was going to post about how utterly played out Friendster is, but then I rechecked my gallery, and it is kinda like High Street Honeys Worldwide. On Ebay I found this honey who sells action figures, and this one who sold herself.
The Pinball Pasture has every table on record, a worthy archive for a dying sport. I am glad to report that Liseberg Park is keeping the pinball dream alive. They have 50+ working tables including all of my top ten. Though Gothenburg is quite far to visit for a game of flipper.
Are you opposed to GM? If so shame on you, luddite. As of Jan 4th 2004 say hello to Glofish the world's first GM pet.
Ever wanted to design a police car? You can!. I made mine a kinda funky 70's affair, all taupe and loden.
Here is yet another cool robot, photo over here.
You think its embarrassing when you mobile rings while you are at the theatre? What about when your mobile interrupts your own funeral?
"I'm Orson Welles, and i just woke up with a hangover, and it's my hot wife Rita Heyworth's birthday."
And finally (who says doctors work hard on call?) to celebrate Spike Jonze's complete works on DVD, here is an actual factual almost interview with the legendary almost recluse.

I have nearly recovered from an excess of rockin out on Thursday. It was a close call and I almost had to break my no-frappucino rule in order to get in to work today. My gig report is finally posted, and the Beez Fanz site is redesigned. Shout out to Alice (of the Enemy) who represented on Thursday, some linkage in order when Harry's router recovers from its unscheduled bath.
Loungelover was great as ever, the champagne and fig liqueur cocktail is too good to be true. Slight excess of Westbourne Wannabes, but that was compensated for by sitting next to Ada Nicodemou of White Rabbit Matrix fame. (What is the Meatrix?.)
As my winter surfari nears I get increasingly shark wary, and now the largest ever great white may have been netted. Noted odd animal kingdom news include Snowflake the albino gorilla who is dying of skin cancer.
No official word yet from Albino Octavius Murray as to how he got his own action figure.
The weather in London sucks, with no help from Olaf Eliasson or Shell's Electrical Storm. You might want to think of moving to the City of Rufus.
My posts are rarely themic but here's a double dose of fatty abuse.

Holy moley mother of god, Mantle were HUGE last night, so huge I am not sure I can digest it right now, gig review will have to arrive later in the day. Right now I can handle an excellent calculation of the cost of taking a taxi from Philadelphia to Bel Air a la Fresh Prince. I always knew it would have been impracticable, even at 1990 taxi rates.
In other news I picked up the above action figure in Soho. It claims to be the legendary Albino Bowler, but I have a sneaking suspicion its actually a likeness of Mr O Murray, recent costume contest joint winner.
For who knows what reason Japan Centre have no stocks of Relax 82 so my unbroken run of unreadable Japanese style mags may end. And for those who didn't get a free copy, the Do's and Dont's from this month's Vice Magazine were completely off the wall hilarious. Best of all you can now buy back issues.
After much speculation as to whether Colin and Justin from the Million Pound Property Experiment are a couple, I can at least now confirm their sexuality, as they have officially featured on Rubbish Gays. And before you ask, no this blog is not going to descend into sub-Popbitch celebrity gossiping and examination of odd Japanese action figures. Today is just an aberration.

Shout out to Nixta for hosting Mantle MP3s which now reside at the world's only Mantle of Beez Fansite. Gig of the year tonight at Hope and Anchor. I shall be attending after a visit to Loungelover, which appears to be Bar of the Month at World's Best Bars.

Turns out Duke alumni drink more than they realise. Not such a surprising finding to those that know Dr Alvarez M.D.. Finally on November 12th Google crawled all the way to my site. I feel like a real part of the web community now. Only just in time to rescue my googlability, because it seems Nancy Cartwright now has a starring role as a mole rat called Rufus in the Disney show Kim Possible. Bizarrely it seems the eponymous hero is played by the girl from Blossom. Anyhow to celebrate Google finally discovering me here is Google's version of my site in French, (strictly for lovers). Somewhere in the archives is a link to a geographical tube map, now to add to this nerdiness is a 3D tube map.

Sometimes I feel my work is pointless. This really obscure paper puts things back in perspective. For those who enjoyed Bonsai Kitten, here is something cruel you can do to a fluffy bunny wabbit.

Unprecedented numbers of comments arriving in the feedback section. Not all strictly relevant or informed, but that's what makes internet dialogue so stimulating. Anyway to deal with the onslaught I have created a new letters page. The old links are still running though. Stuck at work all day today, nothing to eat but pizza. Spent so long wishing I could get a good burger. Thought I might share my burger picks: NYC's Corner Bistro serves some mackin' burgers. Westbourne Grove's Lucky 7 serve's the best burger in London. Ed's and The Eagle, come in 2nd and 3rd. On my burger wishlist are In and Out and Louis Lunch where the burger was born in 1895. Further burger suggestions welcome.

Once again its the morning after the night before. It was Jonky's secret 30th birthday yesterday. He was lured to Shoreditch on false pretenses, then kidnapped by moi, wrapped in a black sheet, and driven cross country at 90mph back to sunny Suffolk. Its rare that a surprise party really happens without the victim getting some idea. On this occasion my terror tactics of blaring trance music and lunatic backwards driving managed to produce enough disorientation that Jonky had no idea where he was. Yet again I awoke with a hellish headache, partly due to the punch, partly the low level pyrotechnics, and partly hours of dancing to hip hop bootlegs. Photos will be appearing on Cool Nina 97 shortly.

I finally caught up with the Paris Hilton fuss. Contrary to rumours this video filth is far from dull. I want to salute Paris' spirited performance in front of camera. She was also cool playing herself in Zoolander.
In other controversial news I am starting the iPod backlash. Every dork in London is sporting the little white headphones. Well I am so not loving my iPod. Sure it stores a lot of MP3s, but who really has time to rip their whole CD collection or do battle with Kazaa.

After success at Hot or Not, (personal url confidential), I am considering submitting to Goth or Not. For those who missed this web trend when it was still cool in '01 here's the original parody: Monkey Hot or Not.

Blogger was down for maintenance yesterday, so this flyer is arriving too late, but still it needs web preservation for posterity. Hopefully a gig report will be finding its way here soon.

All this blogging has started to slow up, most probably due to SSX 3and KOTOR, both of which rule.

Joyous world of pain. To enhance functionality and facilitate user interaction I have added a feedback section, located in the sidebar. Feel free to add constructive comments here.

No time for a real update, too busy bustin my ass fo a lousy dollar. This track ain't never gettin old. Seen some mad BMX sheeat too recently. 3/4 cab flair to wallride is illin. But this old school madness aint gettin old neither. Some playas been criticising me, saying my personality aint fluid enough. Well all I gots to say is, I used to love the inline, now its wack. This should prove it. For all those who is too busy hustlin and pimpin on da street, here's what yo ass missed by not joining the air force.

Advance warning of the only gigs worth attending in November. 13/11 DJ Beez plays out at the J Cubed, further details to follow. 20/11 For only the second time this year, and for the first time ever in London: The Mantle of Beez Live. My new Beez fansite has all the MP3s.

The Ambassador's reception really spoiled us. The spread of nibbles was unparalleled, and the costumes varied from the kitsch to the downright sleazy. In addition Dave's blog features excellent reviews of each Bastard, something I am always too drunk to provide.

A little bit messy last night, possibly the 4th most drunk I've been all year. (Other front runners include my own Bling Bling Birthday, Farmageddon, and the Pelly Stag Weekend.) Realised I might be drunk just slightly after I noticed that I had sprayed DJ blo_updoll and half the dance floor with Czech pilsner. Still respect to all who turned out: Ambassador Dave, DJ Beez (flipping his new press card), Hydrogen Howes, Crazy Legs the breakdancing cardboard box robot, and Noradrenaline Brennan.

Its Bastard 35 tonight and you're all invited. More information at Cartel Communique. PS As yet my lovingly designed Penny for a Guy page has earned only 0p. Cheapskates, get clicking.

Its Bonfire Night, and the opening of Matrix Revolution all in one. I am skint having spent all my cash on rum and limes so have instituted a special Penny for a Guy Page.
Warning: Clicking the link constitutes acceptance of a legally binding contract with me.

Photos piling in to my new photo site. Halloween pics will be peppered through previous posts as appropriate. I am a long term fan of forestry robots, so imagine my suprise to discover an awesome robot working in my own pharmacy. At first glance it appears to be a kick ass shelf stacker, but then you notice that the drugs are arrayed at random on the shelves, with the robot optimising for space and speed of dispensing. Gonna have to post a little mpeg of my new most helpful robot.

Congratulations due to viewers of Extreme who manged to vote Rodney Mullen as overall Legend of Extreme. I am flabbergasted that the guy that invented the kickflip beat the inventor of the 900 to first place. Here's some links I trawled up during oh so busy on call shifts:
Nerd Lego, Bad Shark, Handy Map, Spoof Letters, Spoof Letters 2.

Party season continues apace. My new favourite outfit got shown off all across town last night with soirees chez Ross-Goobey and Smithson. Finally met the famed webmasters of tartley.com and frosties.com. Other star guests included the "Voice of East Anglia", and new Mrs Jonky Cat, Katy Edwards. Reported sighting of the lost chapeau (see 28/10/03), but turned out to be a false alarm.
I also want to give love to Annie Morris who knows that Cookie Dough Dynamo should never have gone away. Check this memorial to old flavours.

Party went off! 150+ revellers dancing and drinking to the sounds of DJ Charlie Beez and DJ Daisy De Villeneuve. Credit to Octavius Murray for some kick-ass pumpkin carving. Help needed fixing a severely stressed Sony amp and dry cleaning half the apartment. Many many fine entrants in the costume contest, some might say its a fix but:

First Prize(joint): Mr O Murray (as the Blob) and Mr C Murray (as Clockwork Orange Vs Alien)

Third Prize: Mr G Coxhead (as Don Johnson Vs Arachnophobia)

Highly Commended: Mr H Lascelles (as Predator Vs Terminator, featuring shoulder mounted lasers and party popper bazookas)
Highly Commended: All the girls who reinterpreted the theme as Eighties Call Girls .