That's How It Happened

Think you've lived life to the full? Google knows better:
You haven't lived until you've driven a carload of freshman girls.
You haven't lived until you've jived.
You haven't lived until you've been spanked with an artificial limb.
You haven't lived until you've tasted freshly grated parmesan.
You haven't lived until you've been shat upon.
You haven't lived until you've duck-dived a frozen double-overhead meat grinder.
You haven't lived until you've tasted a freshly cooked gumblejack.
You haven't lived until you've had a pre-pubescent cheerleading squad named after you.
You haven't lived until you've been sunburnt on Bondi Beach.
You haven't lived until you 've smelled REAL beeswax.
You haven't lived until you've fly fished the Milwaukee river.
You haven't lived until you've broiled a baby.
You haven't lived until you've seen a 260lb guy in a lime green thong.
You haven't lived until you've heard the "Hotsy Totsy Polka".
You haven't lived until you've seen Rob and Justin show up at your place of employment dressed as Axl and Slash.
You haven't lived until you've had a hotdog fried on a burning disk brake rotor.
You haven't lived until you've seen a bonfire started with kerosene and 36% NITROX.
You haven't lived until you've written 100 pieces of pirate dialogue.
That should be enough inspiration for a boring Monday afternoon in May. (qv unstoppable techniques, the new black, gateway drugs.)